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You think you have to discover this BEFORE you have a commitment…but isn’t the whole point of dating to continue to discover things to assess whether you can spend your life with a person? I’m saying that you can engage in lots of serious foreplay before having sex, give an exclusive relationship a shot, and if it doesn’t work for ANY reason, you have the right to break up, one months, two months, three months down the line.
In that regard, sex is no different than learning that he’s got anger issues or is a bad communicator.
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I’ve only done this twice before: once, in a post defending Lori Gottlieb’s “Marry Him,” and a second time, in a post explaining my opposition to Rori Raye’s “Circular Dating.” These were the only two times that I remember being equally frustrated at how something was being misconstrued that I needed to take an hour and go through a bullet point by bullet point dissection of my original thesis.
Now I know that writing this is not going to change a thing. First of all, here was the premise of my original post: “You want to find out if a man is serious about you? If you don’t – because you’re a liberated woman who can have sex whenever you damn well please – don’t be too surprised if a decent percentage of those men never call again.
But if you had a great connection with a confident woman who told you that she doesn’t like the idea of you going home to write to other women online after you have sex, you would insist to her that you DO have the right to do that? “Plus as a woman who likes sex, what the hell am I going to tell this guy if I don’t like the sex? All you people who are focused on “test driving” the car, I get it. But that’s the thing about dating: you have TWO PLUS YEARS to figure out if you want to get married.
Sexual compatibility is one of many factors you’ll have to consider in determining your future.
People who were irked by the concept that women should make men invest more before having sex are still probably going to be irked – but at least I’ll know that I gave it my best shot to illustrate my arguments effectively. Again, I’m not remotely judgmental of those who have sex without commitment; I will only point out as a dating coach that it tends to lead to sub-optimal results from men because they didn’t have to do anything special to get into bed with you.” I can’t see anything about which one can argue. 🙂 Below are some of the comments I received (in italics), along with my responses.
“What about having sex for the sheer joy of it without any agenda and expectation? If you can have sex for the sheer joy of it without any agenda and expectation, then my advice to hold out for a commitment should be completely irrelevant. As irrelevant as me wondering how often I should get a mammogram. If advice doesn’t apply to you, then you can absolutely ignore it. Shot in razor-sharp, crystal-clear High Definition, and not that pathetic grainy crap that passes off as "quality free porn movies" these days, it's time you found a real FREE porn site that values QUALITY just as much as quantity. Instantly stream, or download among any of our 114,000 porn videos! We offer tens of thousands of high-res pictures, full-length HD porn movies, our own comprehensive sexipedia of downloadable DVDs, popular featured pornstars, steamy XXX live cams and even a sex dating network! Because, you’re right: a guy can “wait you out” for 7 arbitrary dates, fuck you, and then bail.But since most men do not want the hassle or the emotion of calling you a girlfriend and THEN bailing, by refusing sex without commitment, you weed those guys out.Older, hotter and broken in, find out what gets these sexy silver foxes wet!Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating