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Worst Band Name Ever Heading: It's probably a good thing that I never get to pick band names. A-list Marketing Interview Two cars race around a corner with blue sparks spraying from their tires. you get blue sparks. Sometimes when I steer shopping carts around corners, I slide them a little and pretend I'm getting the blue spark boost. d Pain dt = (-k_1 Pain [Image of girl]) (1 (1 e ^ -(t - k_2) d)) k_1=? [Image of girl]=How much she's still in my life Please let d only be a few days... Can you jam with the console cowboys in cyberspace? It's not going to break the fan, bouncing a rubber ball off the wall isn't going to dent it, and the roof can hold me just fine. Music Knowledge A female and male figure converse Female: What kind of music do you listen to? Some classic rock like Boston, but then of course Queen and Bowie, Joan Jett... Male: But there's some great newer stuff too, like Franz Ferdinand, The Donnas, and Audioslave. Narrator: I sound pretty knowledgeable about music until people figure out that I'm just naming bands from Guitar Hero. Election Character sits at his computer desk, staring at his computer. It's over. Image of binary encoding depicted in rocks Narrator: Every piece of information about a particle was encoded as a string of bits written in the stones. It's basically Pascal's Wager for the paranoid prankster. If only I had asked 4chan for ideas for what I should do to prevent this! Woman: Two Mirrors A girl sets up a full mirror adjacent to a bathroom-counter mirror The girl looks through the bathroom-counter mirror to see the infinite reflections Girl: Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary. I thought I had finished my requirements already.)) Student: ((In fact, I think I remember graduating.)) Student: ((What the hell is--)) Scene fades to the 'student' waking up. Fun Fact: Decades from now, with school a distant memory, you'll be having this dream. The difference between a million and a billion is the difference between a sip of wine and 30 seconds with your daughter, and a bottle of gin and a night with her. No Pun Intended My Hobby: Appending "no pun intended" to lines with no pun in them. Lithium Batteries Timeline of Commercial Uses of Lithium Batteries: The panel has a timeline that goes from Past to Present. CRACKMONKEY74: Swine flu is God's punishment for the ACLU and lesbians and 9 11 and nanobots! The Deimos inset shows Deimos' gravity well and a person, labeled "to scale"; the gravity well is approximately two thirds the height of the person, and the caption reads, "You could escape Deimos with a bike and a ramp." The Phobos inset is similar, except that the gravity well is approximately three times the height of the person included for scale, and reads, "A thrown baseball could escape Phobos." To the right of Jupiter's gravity well is a diagram of a well. I shouldn't have listened to the 70's hit marathon on the way home from work the night before. Just word of mouth or someth-- ...oh, you're good. The Fast and the Furious On the other side of the world, a new style of street racing rules the Tokyo underground. When you drift, if you ain't out of control, you ain't in control. Julia Stiles A sketch of Julia Stiles with a bandanna over her head, long wavy hair, elbow shirt, wrist band, and pants Julia Stiles: Do you know anything about hackers? Best thing about having my own apartment: Holding fans in place so they twitch helplessly and make that clicking sound without my mom yelling at me. But in the rotunda Senators: Let's jump down here from the balcony! The UNSEEN SPEAKER is still off-panel right. Unseen speaker: OH GOD! Also, after all the warnings about filling in the bubbles completely, I spent like 30 seconds on each one. Closeup of character's face and screen. I don't have to care about opinion polls, exit polls, margins of error, attack ads, game-changers, tracking polls, swing states, swing votes, the Bradley effect, or On screenGoogle "2012 polling statistics" Someday I'll be rich enough to hire Nate Silver to help make all my life decisions. ' ' Well, I'm showing a 35% chance it will end badly.' Faust 2.0 Satan: Mortal! Satan: "By entering this room, you agree to forfeit your own soul rather than negotiate with the mortal within..." Wait, you can't - Guy: Too late. Narrator: Sure it's rocks instead of electricity, but it's the same* thing. Notation: *Turing-complete Man in contemplative pose Narrator: After a while, I programmed it to be a physics simulator. And if I'm right, maybe I just freaked the hell out of some secret organization. Correlation A man is talking to a woman Man: I used to think correlation implied causation. Not Enough Work Narration: Signs your coders don't have enough work to do: A man sitting at his workstation; a female co-worker behind him Man: I'm almost up to my old typing speed in dvorak Two men standing by a server rack Man #1: Our servers now support gopher. A woman standing near her workstation speaking to a male co-worker Woman: Our pages are now HTML, XHTML-STRICT, and haiku-compliant Man: Haiku? 1000 Times Dishonest: woman sitting behind desk sign: bailout: $170 billion; bonuses: $165 million Honest: woman sitting behind desk sign: bailout: $170,000 million; bonuses: $165 million Dear news organizations: stop giving large numbers without context or proper comparison. Like spelling 'dammit' correctly -- with two m's -- it's a troll that works best on the most literate. Man2 is sitting on a chair, farthest from the TV.]] Man1: I forgot how good that movie was. Man2 is nowhere to be seen.]] Man1: I forgot how good that movie was. They just don't hold up nearly as well in later comparison. Benjamin Franklin is sitting at his desk with quill and parchment.]] Guy: Benjamin Franklin? The next person drops in a coin. Well: You'll never find a programing language that frees you from the burden of clarifying your ideas. The next person drops in a coin. Well: You avoid your friend Mike because you're uncomfortably attracted to him. BUT TODAY, OUR FLAG FLIES PROUDLY OVER OUR EMBASSY IN THEIR KINGDOM, AND THEY WALK OUR LANDS WITHOUT FEAR. HANNELOREEC: Without duct tape I can't seal the door to keep out swine flu but I can't get duct tape without going outside! PAULYSHOREFAN: How long until the swine flu reaches me here in Madagascar? Nathan Fillion (Mal from Firefly) has an electric skateboard. The Mars inset shows Mars' gravity well, 1,286 km deep, in relation to its moons, Deimos and Phobos, and a NASA Mars Exploration Rover.

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Worst Band Name Ever Heading: It's probably a good thing that I never get to pick band names. A-list Marketing Interview Two people, one sitting behind a executive desk, looking at some paper, and the other one by foot using a hat. Guy behind the desk: I've heard you're one of the best in marketing business, but I've got your portfolio here and looks like you've never run a major campaign. Guy with a hat: If you don't mind asking, what gave you the idea I was one of the best in the business? And if you work the wheel back and forth just right, Two cars race around a corner with blue sparks spraying from their tires. you get blue sparks. Sometimes when I steer shopping carts around corners, I slide them a little and pretend I'm getting the blue spark boost. d Pain dt = (-k_1 Pain [Image of girl]) (1 (1 e ^ -(t - k_2) d)) k_1=? [Image of girl]=How much she's still in my life Please let d only be a few days... Can you jam with the console cowboys in cyberspace? It's not going to break the fan, bouncing a rubber ball off the wall isn't going to dent it, and the roof can hold me just fine. Music Knowledge A female and male figure converse Female: What kind of music do you listen to? Some classic rock like Boston, but then of course Queen and Bowie, Joan Jett... Male: But there's some great newer stuff too, like Franz Ferdinand, The Donnas, and Audioslave. Narrator: I sound pretty knowledgeable about music until people figure out that I'm just naming bands from Guitar Hero. Election Character sits at his computer desk, staring at his computer. It's over. Image of binary encoding depicted in rocks Narrator: Every piece of information about a particle was encoded as a string of bits written in the stones. It's basically Pascal's Wager for the paranoid prankster. If only I had asked 4chan for ideas for what I should do to prevent this! Woman: Two Mirrors A girl sets up a full mirror adjacent to a bathroom-counter mirror The girl looks through the bathroom-counter mirror to see the infinite reflections Girl: Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary. I thought I had finished my requirements already.)) Student: ((In fact, I think I remember graduating.)) Student: ((What the hell is--)) Scene fades to the 'student' waking up. Fun Fact: Decades from now, with school a distant memory, you'll be having this dream. The difference between a million and a billion is the difference between a sip of wine and 30 seconds with your daughter, and a bottle of gin and a night with her. No Pun Intended My Hobby: Appending "no pun intended" to lines with no pun in them. Lithium Batteries Timeline of Commercial Uses of Lithium Batteries: The panel has a timeline that goes from Past to Present. CRACKMONKEY74: Swine flu is God's punishment for the ACLU and lesbians and 9 11 and nanobots! The Deimos inset shows Deimos' gravity well and a person, labeled "to scale"; the gravity well is approximately two thirds the height of the person, and the caption reads, "You could escape Deimos with a bike and a ramp." The Phobos inset is similar, except that the gravity well is approximately three times the height of the person included for scale, and reads, "A thrown baseball could escape Phobos." To the right of Jupiter's gravity well is a diagram of a well.

I shouldn't have listened to the 70's hit marathon on the way home from work the night before. Just word of mouth or someth-- ...oh, you're good. The Fast and the Furious On the other side of the world, a new style of street racing rules the Tokyo underground. When you drift, if you ain't out of control, you ain't in control. Julia Stiles A sketch of Julia Stiles with a bandanna over her head, long wavy hair, elbow shirt, wrist band, and pants Julia Stiles: Do you know anything about hackers? Best thing about having my own apartment: Holding fans in place so they twitch helplessly and make that clicking sound without my mom yelling at me. But in the rotunda Senators: Let's jump down here from the balcony! The UNSEEN SPEAKER is still off-panel right.]] Unseen speaker: OH GOD! Also, after all the warnings about filling in the bubbles completely, I spent like 30 seconds on each one. Closeup of character's face and screen. I don't have to care about opinion polls, exit polls, margins of error, attack ads, game-changers, tracking polls, swing states, swing votes, the Bradley effect, or On screenGoogle "2012 polling statistics" Someday I'll be rich enough to hire Nate Silver to help make all my life decisions. ' ' Well, I'm showing a 35% chance it will end badly.' Faust 2.0 Satan: Mortal! Satan: "By entering this room, you agree to forfeit your own soul rather than negotiate with the mortal within..." Wait, you can't - Guy: Too late. Narrator: Sure it's rocks instead of electricity, but it's the same* thing. Notation: *Turing-complete Man in contemplative pose Narrator: After a while, I programmed it to be a physics simulator. And if I'm right, maybe I just freaked the hell out of some secret organization. Correlation A man is talking to a woman Man: I used to think correlation implied causation. Not Enough Work Narration: Signs your coders don't have enough work to do: A man sitting at his workstation; a female co-worker behind him Man: I'm almost up to my old typing speed in dvorak Two men standing by a server rack Man #1: Our servers now support gopher. A woman standing near her workstation speaking to a male co-worker Woman: Our pages are now HTML, XHTML-STRICT, and haiku-compliant Man: Haiku? 1000 Times Dishonest: woman sitting behind desk sign: bailout: $170 billion; bonuses: $165 million Honest: woman sitting behind desk sign: bailout: $170,000 million; bonuses: $165 million Dear news organizations: stop giving large numbers without context or proper comparison. Like spelling 'dammit' correctly -- with two m's -- it's a troll that works best on the most literate. Man2 is sitting on a chair, farthest from the TV.]] Man1: I forgot how good that movie was. Man2 is nowhere to be seen.]] Man1: I forgot how good that movie was. They just don't hold up nearly as well in later comparison. Benjamin Franklin is sitting at his desk with quill and parchment.]] Guy: Benjamin Franklin? The next person drops in a coin. Well: You'll never find a programing language that frees you from the burden of clarifying your ideas. The next person drops in a coin. Well: You avoid your friend Mike because you're uncomfortably attracted to him. BUT TODAY, OUR FLAG FLIES PROUDLY OVER OUR EMBASSY IN THEIR KINGDOM, AND THEY WALK OUR LANDS WITHOUT FEAR. HANNELOREEC: Without duct tape I can't seal the door to keep out swine flu but I can't get duct tape without going outside! PAULYSHOREFAN: How long until the swine flu reaches me here in Madagascar? Nathan Fillion (Mal from Firefly) has an electric skateboard. The Mars inset shows Mars' gravity well, 1,286 km deep, in relation to its moons, Deimos and Phobos, and a NASA Mars Exploration Rover.

Ninja Turtles Four pie graphs, each colored green and brown Leonardo Almost one-half green Michelangelo More than one-half green Donatello Almost completely green Raphael Roughly half-and-half A legend Notoriety as a Brown Renaissance artist Green Ninja turtle The henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents. Right-Hand Rule Picture of a right hand with fingers curved, thumb pointed away, with axes drawn to demonstrate the right-hand rule of physics Alternatives to the Right-Hand Rule in vector multiplication: A slightly-open book with labeled axes drawn on. Book Rule: Open the front cover along the first vector and the back cover along the second. A handgun with axes. Handgun Rule: Point the grip along the first vector and rotate it so that the second vector is on the safety latch side. To really expand your mind try some noncartesian porn. radio button Yes radio button No (Bots: no lying) They'd use that Futurama episode with Fry's dog, but even spambots cry at that. Returns to the two shot of both men Standing Man: I admired Harry Houdini, how he could open any lock and free himself from any restraint. Standing Man: Sure some of it was fakery and showmanship. Easier to escape: n-layered nested quotes or an iron maiden? Now, if you'll bear with me a moment, this next graph shows rainfall over the amazon basin... ' It's either 'your mom' jokes or me' ' Then I, like so many men before me, must reluctantly choose your mom.' Fandom Boy is looking through box Boy: Hey, my old Star Wars books! The Data So Far Bar graph titled "Claims of Supernatural Powers" and has two sets of data. HAL: It requires a commitment to science unfettered by human error. Another man stands behind him Man at computer: Weird - My code's crashing when given pre-1970 dates. Guy: Aww, look, it's making friends with the Roomba." Off-panel: Man, I hope it's OK that we're laughing at this. At the bottom of the ramp is a small kicker ramp which will launch him over the bed. Phone on table across room starts vibrating]] Laptop: Connecting to Bluetooth phone... Woman speaking to the same man from the previous panel Woman: I think... Woman speaking to the same man from the previous panel Man: Falling for him? Woman at hospital with doctor, giving birth Narrator: She never saw him again. Off-panel presenter's voice: Our lab has successfully crossed a spork with a spoon. Panel 23: (Reference Comic 108) woman moving toward man by means of MC Hammer slide Boom De Yada Boom De Yada Panel 24: (Reference Comic 409) man and woman moving on electric skateboard Boom De Yada Boom De Yada I love the title-text! (Preemptive response to the inevitable threads arguing about it: you're all wrong on the internet.) Turn-On A bar Man: So, the LHC's turning on. The man starts to turn away. Woman: Hey, I didn't say no. Love, Your grandson,]] I didn't realize how bad my habit of tabbing to Firefox every few seconds to check news sites had gotten until I tried writing on a typewriter. Alternate Currency Television: With the collapse of the dollar, the government has endorsed an alternate currency. These cards fill me with that same reverence, that same intimidation. Retro Virus Dude is using a computer. Dude: Argh, this is frustrating. Dude: This windows box has a virus and I can't get regedit to-- Friend (off-panel): Haha, cleaning viruses? Day 857 of 90 Spirit (thinking): I thought I analyzed that rock really well. Spirit (thinking): But a good rover would keep going. Snow Tracking BACKYARD SNOW TRACKING GUIDE ((Each panel contains an overhead view of tracks through the snow, with a caption indicating the apparent source)) Standard paw prints through the snow CAT Large split-toe tracks and smaller rodent tracks MOOSE AND SQUIRREL Cat prints, but with more space between the pairs of prints LONGCAT Two similar careening tire tracks MOUSE RIDING BICYCLE Longer rodent tracks, with a large melted ring surrounding a point in the middle of the frame. RABBIT STOPPING TO USE HAIR DRYER No visible tracks LEGOLAS Single deep holes with cratering BOBCAT ON POGO STICK Round prints that suddenly turn to the right halfway into frame KNIGHT Human footprints up to a square melting pattern, turning into animal prints KID WITH TRANSMOGRIFIER Human footprints up to a rectangular melted area, which are then doubled to another rectangular area, which are then doubled again up to another rectangular area, which are then doubled... KID WITH DUPLICATOR Right curve on a road, with tire tracks careening out of frame Out of Frame Garden Owner: MY VEGETABLE GARDEN!

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Subtitle: My goal: To make enough money to hire Jeremy Irons, the voice of Scar from The Lion King, to follow me around and do my dialogue. Person: Look, your obsession with sending strange things through the mail is getting out of hand. One person is seen walking from his car up to the driver of the car in front of him. Character 2 stands behind Character 1]] Character 1: You see, statisticians communicate using IPo D -- IP over Demographics. Man in black hat: Yeah, but it would all be with the kind of people who learn Lojban. Map of the Internet Map of the Internet The IPv4 Space, 2006 This chart shows the IP address space on a plane using a fractal mapping which preserves grouping--any consecutive string of IPs will translate to a single, compact, contiguous region on the map. And sometimes I use it to retaliate against the guy upstairs with the loud girlfriend and the elliptical dish. Aragorn and Martin: I'm here to reforge my broken sword so I can lead an army against the tyrant threatening my people. Mouse: Hang on, it's encrypted with my public key. On the other hand, poor Samara -- transcoded to FLV. ON the other side of the room, a computer is turned on and playing music]] Woman: *GASP* MMMMM_ Computer: GO GO POWER RANGERS I didn't even know I *had* the Monty Python ' Lumberjack' song. Radio: Dammit, Harding, it's not worth your neck! Twister would've been a much better movie if they'd cut out the bad-guy storm chaser and all the emotional romance crap. Overqualified [On phone] Girl: I know you're not that into my sister, but she's really crushing on you. Is this paper simply a build-up to an "imaginary friends" pun? I've got to re-mine the driveway.' xkcd Goes to the Airport Standing outside the Airport. They appear in this order, from left to right: Sociology, Psychology, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Mathematics. " to another man speaking energetically at a podium I love elections. Further Boomerang Difficulties Man is throwing boomerang Holding his hands up, man waits for return Continual waiting Man is dejected, head hangs low Man throws boomerang Man waits for boomerang]] Outside: Oh God Outside: The Ozone layer! A vertical dashed line runs through the graph, slightly to the right of the peak of the graph. Secretary: Part 3 The confirmation hearings begin... Senator: It appears you have quite an arrest record. Senator: And you were thrown out of Microsoft headquarters for... Induced Current A man wearing a beret, extension cord in hand, approaches Randall as he works at his computer. Beret: Can I plug my extension cord over here? The Earth's spin could then induce a strong current in any long conductors, melting them and starting fires. Stunned, the man wearing the beret looks down at the cord he carries. Beret: Really? Dejected, the man walks away, cord in tow. Randall looks up from his computer as he is braced by his girlfriend, a stern look in her face. Girlfriend: That was MEAN. The 9 11 truthers responded poorly to my compromise theory. Complexion I get frustrated trying to judge whether acne creams are having any effect. Happiness climbs slightly more steadily and then dips again.

Movies that I know word-for-word, part one The Sierpinski Penis Game The Sierpinski Penis Game A large triangle is shown, with many smaller trianges inside Words are in the triangles Sierpinski game: PENIS! Inappropriate places for the Penis Game include baby showers and terrorist attacks Mail A person is talking to someone over the phone. Phone: Do you think I could mail a running chainsaw to someone? The turn signals of both cars seem to be blinking at the same time.]] Person in Street: Hey, our turn signals are in sync! Person in Street: Usually they're at least a little off. For example, the header of the next packet I send will be encoded into the New Jersey death rate. zo'o ta jitfa .i .e'o xu do pendo mi Working for Google Have you read about Google HQ? Man, I ain't going to be chained down in no corporate idea factory! Each of the 256 numbered blocks represents one 8 subnet (containing all IPs that start with that number). Boy: I guess I've just grown out of the whole obsessive fan mindset. Dangers Dangers Indexed by the number of Google results for "Died in a _____ Accident" A chart is show, on the left hand side is a column "Type of Accident," and on the right hand side is the column "Google Results," each with a bar representing a number Type of Accident: "Skydiving" Google Results: 710 Type of Accident: "Elevator" Google Results: 575 Type of Accident: "Surfing" Google Results: 496 Type of Accident: "Skateboarding" Google Results: 473 Type of Accident: "Camping" Google Results: 166 Type of Accident: "Gardening" Google Results: 100 Type of Accident: "Ice Skating" Google Results: 94 Type of Accident: "Knitting" Google Results: 7 Type of Accident: "Blogging" Google Results: 2 Zero results: 'snake charming' and 'haberdashery'. I live in a world of moral absolutes and racist undertones. Narrator: It startled me when characters mentioned Satan. Narrator: Even as a kid this bothered me: Why does everyone leave critical secret messages as simple riddles? My Redwall/Jurassic Park crossover fanfic is almost complete! Kilobyte There's been a lot of confusion over 1024 vs 1000, kbyte vs kbit, and the capitalization for each. Kb | Drivemaker's kilobyte | currently 908 bytes | shrinks by 4 bytes each year for marketing reasons KBa | Baker's kilobyte | 1152 bytes | 9 bits to the byte since you're such a good customer I would take 'kibibyte' more seriously if it didn't sound so much like ' Kibbles N Bits'. Both are now in front of a computer, the girl leaning in. Girl: Great, It's got 363,104 views already. All you need for a good movie are tornados and scientists. Convincing Pickup Line A couple sit at the small table of a cafe. Cheap GPS Lecturer stands speechless Lecturer: It MIGHT not be. There is a sign saying "Airport" and a plane in the background.]] Girl: Okay, what airline? The mathematician stands much further to the right than any other field.]] Psychologist: Sociology is just applied Psychology. Chemist: Biology is just applied Chemistry Physicist: Which is just applied Physics. Mathematician: Oh, hey, I didn't see you guys all the way over there. SUV Driver: Maybe you'll go green next time, asshole! Panel 18: man holding schematic diagram depiction of transistor in front of his crotch I love transistors. Man is suprised Man throws boomerang banana Man waits Girl who walks in: That was our last banana Girl: You're such an asshole. To the right of the dashed line there is an arrow pointing to the right that is labeled "Awkward Zone". Senator: Is it true you completely disassembled someone's car outside a Starbucks? Senator: You stole a red Fokker triplane and strafed the snoopy float at the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade? Senator: You disrupted a 9 11 truth meeting, insisting the Twin Towers never actually collapsed? Randall: Listen, SOMEBODY has to keep Myth Busters in business. The Myth Busters need to tackle whether a black hole from the LHC could REALLY destroy the world. I believe the truth always lies halfway between the most extreme claims. Figure 2: There's a micro SD card on your table. In the spirit of a controlled trial, I used one on just half my face for a few weeks. time, with two lines--one remains one steady, and one is declining.]] It was cool seeing the effects so clearly, so I got some friends to try different treatments in an impromptu study. More lines indicate a period of dating and then one of engagement.]] and the happiness you've brought me.

Two guys looking at a third Third guy: We are the knights who... you can't help but to belong to one group or the other. ]] Hatless: i guess you do what you can to help the people around you and hope it turns out okay. the idea that historical context is irrelevant, that we understand it all that we need take no warnings from the follies of the past. It has a few marks inside it.]] Closer, the square is divided into rectangles of different sizes, each of which has text in it. Much closer, we can see fragments of the text. The two men are shown walking on flat stretch, with mountains in the distance. The two men are shown in a magnificent canyon. The use of the ' Garfield' character for the purposes of this parody qualifies as fair use under the Copyright Act of 1976, 17 U. He is looking at a TV on the floor connected to a game console, also on the floor. Girl: Can you pause for a moment and help me with something? We travel along, rolling up more and more of the world into our shared experience, taking it and making it our own. Man: The clutter of everyday life, with a simple core to tie it together, eventually becomes something grand as the world itself. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. In Connor's second thesis it is stated ' There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.' Does the routine destroy our creativity or do we lose creativity and fall into the routine? Pointers A person is playing a video game, with Hat Guy standing behind him. Person: Man, I suck at this game. stops, with a sign saying "Point B" to his right and a group of chicks (labeled "chicks") to his left.]] Both the skateboards I owned were pretty cheap and broke from heavy use; I'm gonna get a really nice one if I move to the city. Ray is holding a letter and talking to Roast Beef. Ray: Beef, check this out. Utahraptor: Normally I'd jump in with an objection, but I think your point makes sense. In the morning, I tell myself I can't control my dreams, but there's a part of me that doesn't want them to stop. But I don't have to; he understands, I can see it in the way his eyes play over me, reading my fears and doubts in a glance and washing them away with a knowing smile. Before Sunrise Man stands in frame, talking Man: Every morning for a week now I've gone out driving before sunrise. The Ron Paul Revolution blimp's gun takes aim Inside the Ron Paul Revolution blimp's control room Pilot: We're taking damage! 00101010 00101010 Diagram of two particles interacting. There is a bar graph labeled "Amount of black ink by panel." Bar 1 is medium height, Bar 2 higher, Bar 3 lowest. There is a scatterplot labeled "Location of black ink in this image." It is the positive quarter of a coordinate grid with the zeroes marked.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry Words crumpled inside the panel, there's barely enough space for the third guy Third guy: So sorry the car just came too fast and Friend leaves Third guy: She was right there and I sasw her and then it was a blur and so much I ran to help didn't know she wasn't moving I'm so sorry ... Friend is gone, and Guy is looking at ferret Guy imagines ferret flying over the ocean near the beach using his makeshift wings Two people stand in an aisle in a store My brother had a ferret he loved which died since I drew this strip. Kepler She takes his hand. Person 1: Nice store. Person 2: Oh, we hired this dude named Kepler, he's really good hard worker. Hatless: and of course every generation seems awful to the one before it. Hatted: yeah, and it sure would be nice to have some perspective on some of this stuff. Some are sideways, some are cut off, some are too small to read.]] machine language translated by principles of isomorphism it is a consequence of the Church-Turing thesis that ... Bits continue to fall around them.]] A rainbow extends outward from the TV, with "ROYAL RAINBOW! Two buildings in the upper and lower left corners, respectively, and a rectangular lawn. Phone: Well, there was a lot of it, so it will probably take a while. Fall Apart First half: guy in front of open fridge First man: I feel like I'm wasting my life on the internet. They stand, silently looking at the scene.]] First man: And yet all I can think is, "This will make for a great Live Journal entry." I used to do this all the time. Second half: guy with bag of chips Closeup on the man. Caption: I have leftover cheese. Person 1 dances along with the music Caption: I have leftover chips. Large Caption: A delicious cycle I'm currently in the I Have Cheese phase of this cycle. I got an invite to that The Dude Is Pretty Awesome In Most Measurable Ways I Mean Wow competition. T-Rex: Could it be that the rift in our author's mind has finally healed? There's no real reason not to except snobbiness. Guy: And honestly, waking up would be a lot easier if your mom didn't look so much like you. But then she does that thing with her tongue and I remember why I left you. Then he's on his feet, he's in front of me, and I don't feel the electric jolt I expected as our hands meet. As far as treachery-as-driving-music goes, Katamari music is matched only by Guitar Hero music. I wanted to get lost in the dark, park my car, listen to music, and sip from a warm drink as dawn broke around me, gradually revealing a landscape I'd never before seen. Last week, we busted the myth that electroweak gauge symmetry is broken by the Higgs mechanism. Boy: We should disassemble it, check all the parts, and put it back together. DEAR FUTURE KIDS: how did you get internet in the cellar? Boiiiinnng.]] With enough time and space, I could fully simulate two particles interacting. Ponytailed stick figure: I take it the doorbell doesn't work? The sysadmin has a Q2010, and I can attest that it can handle a fall down several flight of concrete steps. Narration: Turns out I'm even worse at administering the presidential oath than John Roberts. A man sits at a computer, hand over the keyboard Man: So all we have to do is get Mind of Mencia on every channel and wait. If you think space elevators are good, but just too boring and practical, check out the 'space fountain'. The graph is, of course, the whole comic scaled to fit the axes, including a smaller version of itself in the last panel, etc.]] The contents of any one panel are dependent on the contents of every panel including itself.

But I've been watching like 30 seconds and haven't seen any beat frequency! Person in Street: You know, from the beat frequency you can tell the difference in timing of the two signals. Character 2: So you're going to hack the census bureau and change the number of reported deaths? They think just 'cause they've got a nice building and laid back culture, I'm gonna want to come in all day long and work on fascinating problems with the smartest people in the world. I hear once you've worked there for 256 days they teach you the secret of levitation. Woman stands looking out on the bow of a ship Stereo: Oh Mickey, you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey! The upper left section shows the blocks sold directly to corporations and coverments in the 1990's before the RIRs took over allocation. (Things like 'car' and 'boating' and such are of course the highest, by a huge margin.) Redwall Notes from reading redwall books for the first time since childhood. Redwall: "By Satan's whiskers..." Redwall mentions God, Jesus 0 times. It's silly to assume the intended recipient will be the only one to find and solve them. Compiler Complaint Scene backs up. The boat with the woman is within a thought bubble Computer: Okay, human. Computer: Before you hit 'compile,' listen up. build environment is grinning and holding a spatula. To Be Wanted Scene backs up. Here, at last, is a single, definitive standard: Girl standing to one side Hat Guy sliding down a sheet of ice SYMBOL | NAME | SIZE | NOTES k B | Kilobyte | 1024 bytes OR 1000 bytes | 1000 bytes during leap years, 1024 otherwise KB | Kelly-Bootle standard unit | 1012 bytes | compromise between 10 bytes Ki B | Imaginary kilobyte | 1024 sqrt(-1) bytes | used in quantum computing kb | Intel kilobyte | 1023.937528 bytes | calculated on Pentium F. Morning A man is pumping gas into a Prius at a gas station. Electric skateboards, by cost, get the equivalent of about 300 miles per gallon. Internet Argument Stick figure 2 is typing profanities into his computer Woman: We're a terrible match. Brunette (wearing Hat Guy's Hat): So, you found me after all. Hat Guy: Because if you wanted to stay lost forever, you made one mistake A floating girl comes behind stick figure 1 Hat Guy: You took my hat. Guy in room: I'm sorry, we're revoking your math license. I once lost my genetics, rocketry, and stripping licenses in a single incident. Guy: Couldn't you just loop the 15-second free sample 20 times and get basically the same thing? On the other hand, physicists like to say physics is to math as sex is to masturbation. SUV My Hobby: Renting an SUV and confusing the hell out of hybrid owners The girl lifts stick figure 1 They are flying over mountains The girl and stick figure 1 are floating in front of stick figure 2 and his computer She sets stick figure 1 down in front of stick figure 2 and his computer The girl lifts stick figure 1 again They are flying The girl sets stick figure 1 down in his chair at his computer Stick figure 1 is typing at his computer Stick figure 2 is typing at his computer man and woman in bed, man saying "There must be taft slash fiction" Man throws boomerang Boomerang breaks out of the panel box Boomerang breaks out of a satellite, followed by the man It's easier to be an asshole to words than to people. Panel 19: (Reference Comic 69) Rainy, cold, windy street; girl is walking along street; narration is from girl's point-of-view I love weird pillow talk. Two figures approach a table A micro SD card sits next to an assortment of coins for size reference. An eternity later, the universe having turned out to have positive curvature and lots of mass, the boomerang hits him in the back of the head. The x-axis has a broken scale, and to the right of the break there is a very small increase in the graph that is parenthetically labeled "My Second Relationship".]] He continued, ' Okay, Bernanke is uncontaminated. Sleet Spirit rests in the middle of a vast Martian landscape. Narrator: The weather outside is frightful. Micro SD The narrator looks in a mirror, sees a half-pimpled face, and applies a treatment. Figure 1: Hey, what's up? The narrator is talking to a blonde and brunette friend, each with some pimples also. Figure 1 (out of panel): So? The narrator works at a computer On January 26th, 2274 Mars days into the mission, NASA declared Spirit a 'stationary research station', expected to stay operational for several more months until the dust buildup on its solar panels forces a final shutdown.

Two people are listening to music on a stereo Narrator: Okay, you try the saucylic acid first. But the more I analyzed Person 1 indicates stereo r_0 = 0.20 r_1 = -0.61 r_2 = -0.83 the harder it became to defend my hypothesis.

Diagram displaying IP addresses using Hibbert Curve So, what, they turned you down? The Perfect Sound Scene repeated for the next frame Person 1: I'm telling you, listen right here to the sets of rising notes following the opening section. Scene backs up. " But it doesn't blunt the shock Of waking up one morning Hat Guy swipes hat off of Brunette Diagram showing IP ownership: 0: Local 1-2: Unallocated 3: General Electric 4: BB&N INC 5: Unallocated 6: Army AISC 7: Unallocated 8: BB&N INC 9: IBM 10: VPNs 11: Do D Intel 12: Bell Labs 13: Xerox 14: Public data nets 15: HP 16: DEC 17: Apple 18: MIT 19: Ford 20: CSC 21: DDN-RYN 22: DISA 23: Unallocated 24: Cable TV 25: UK Mo D 26: DISA 27: Unallocated 28: DSI 29-30: DISA 31: Unallocated 32: NORSK 33: DLA 34: Halliburton 35: Merit 36-37: Unallocated 38: PSI 39: Unallocated 40: Eli Lily 41: ARINIC 42: Unallocated 43: Japan INET 44: HAM Radio 45: INTEROP 46: BB&N INC 47: Bell North 48: Prudential 49-50: Unallocated 51: UK Social Security 52: du Pont 55: Boeing 56: USPS 57: SITA 58-61: Asia-Pacific 62: Europe 63-76: USA & Canada (contains: UUNET, Google, Digg, Slashdot, Ebay, Craigslist, XKCD, Flickr) 77-79: Europe (unused) 80-91: Europe 92-95: Unallocated 96-99: North America 100-120: Unallocated 121-125: Asia-Pacific 126: Japan 127: Loopback 128-132: Various Registrars 133: Japan 134-172: Various Registrars 173-189: Unallocated 188: Various 189-190: Latin America & Caribbean 191-192: Various (contains Private (RFC 1918) 193-195: Europe 196: Africa 197: Unallocated 198: US & Various 199: North America 200-201: Latin America & Carribbean 202-203: Asia-Pacific 204-209: North America (contains Suicide Girls, Boing Boing) 210-211: Asia-Pacific 212-213: Europe 214-215: U. Department of Defense 216: North America (Contains Myspace, Something Awful) 217: Europe 218-222: Asia-Pacific 223: Unallocated 224-239: Multicast 240-255: Unallocated For the IPv6 map just imagine the XP default desktop picture. I wrote a command to jiggle the mouse pointer every couple minutes to keep it from going idle. Linux has problems, but it gives you the tools to deal with them - and save your date! Computer: You know when you're falling asleep, and you imagine yourself walking or something, and suddenly you misstep, stumble, and jolt awake? Computer: Well, that's what a segfault feels like. The thought bubble comes from a person sitting at a computer in an office]] Hat Guy puts it on his head while sliding Hat guy walking away And seeing dead pixels in the sky. Boy (Now standing to face the girl): It's worse than that. But if we sleep together, it'll make the local hookup network a symmetric graph. Check it out; I've had sex with someone who's had sex with someone who's written a paper with Paul Erdős! Hat Guy (out of frame): You didn't make it easy. Brunette left standing there Guy looking over girl's shoulder while girl is clicking her mouse with her other hand on her chin Hat Guy: You took my hat. A man standing, with a dotted line perpendicular to him and a 30 degree angle going downwards Baby bouncing rolling out of hospital Oh, and, uh, if the Russian government asks, that submarine was always there. Techno Baby bouncing rolling in front of a sunset Guy: Wait, you're buying techno on i Tunes? I don't know what's worse -- that there exists broken-hard-drive-sound techno, or that it's not half bad. The Man Who Fell Sideways Hand-drawn Graph is shown, on the Y axis, My Overall Health, on the X axis, Time. How it Happened Another man drives up alongside in an SUV and leans out the window Baby: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE My Problem: Thinking Ahead Baby: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Narrator: The End Strip originally conceived in conversation with Jeph Jacques. Stove Ownership man speaking to woman Person 1: Then she put her hands over mine, grinds against me, leans down and whispers, "After tonight, we go and live our lives, no regrets. The prices can be seen in the background, and read:]] $4.08 M: $4.38 P: $4.51 D: $4.85 Caption Above Comic SUV Driver: Check out those prices! Thinking Ahead The Spirit rover is on the surface of Mars. Man: She's cute. Panel 20: (Reference Comic 49, 279, 317) A banner flutters in the breeze, evidently attached to the elevator it mentions in its text. In science, you can't publish results you know are wrong and you can't withhold them because they're not the ones you wanted. Barrel - Part 1 Many red spiders standing on and hanging from cuboids. Hammer Slide Figure holding balloon; Balloon gets caught in ceiling fan; Figure holds on and is pulled up Spirit (thinking): 89 days to go! - Cricket - Magic: the Gathering - Stickball - Agricola - Jumanji Nonexistent (n = 0) - Poohsticks - Podracing - Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma - Chess by Mail - Conway's Game of Life HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF STRIP GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR? Shear Strength Man in front of the vastness of his infinite desert Boy: I wonder where I'll float next? Red spiders Still walking on a rocky desert. A: I just feel like somewhere out there is the girl for me. Intersection of sets 2 and 3: Vanilla Ice I'm just trying to explain, please don't be jealous! But we'll be out there barely an hour before they start in with "I'm tired" and "Don't you think it's time we head back? I don't understand why people are so disingenuous! Balloon I watched the scene in the restaurant for a full fifteen minutes hoping this would happen: Still walking on a rocky desert. So I'm a bad person. Hat Guy: A laughable claim, Mister Bond, perpetuated by overzealous teachers of science. Using the floor plan on the next page, plot a route through the building, assuming raptors take 5 minutes to open the first door and halve the time for each subsequent door. Scientists are also sexy, let's not forget that. But I was never actually interested in taking the position. Zoomed out on a rocky desert. Narrator: Oh and... Sitting on a rocky desert. I never feel hungry or thirsty. Drawing math in a rocky desert. Sand and rocks Man and woman visit a bio lab where they look into a tank that the scientists point at. stretch to infinity. Image of a cuttlefish There's plenty of time for thinking out here. The next three panels are blank I've rederived modern math in the sand and then some. in a rocky desert.]] Physics, too I worked out the kinks in quantum mechanics and relativity. Cuttlefish We visit a bio lab: Two couples appear in this next panel Scientist- "These are cuttlefish." Interior, a man sits at his computer typing, woman enters They're frighteningly smart, have manipulating arms and tentacles, have ink jets, can dart backwards and see the polarization of light through their w-shaped pupils. One scientist passes a test tube to another, who's sitting at a machine. Lights and screens are shining, and there's a hamster ball and a Newton's cradle on a shelf behind them. There's a glowing sample next to a rat in a cage. Petit Trees (sketch) Girl sleeping on her side, facing away from view Man [typing]: ..that's why music DRM is bad for listeners and artists! Woman: In case you didn't notice, we won the music DRM war. Woman: So close the comment thread, get out the debit card, buy us some music, and let's rock the fuck out. Westley's a Dick Buttercup: Oh, my sweet Westley! Science Montage Movie Science Montage positive slope graph Internet Explorer icon ' Petit' being a reference to Le Petit Prince, which I only thought about halfway through the sketch Irony Narrator: When self-reference, irony, and meta-humor go too far Narrator: A CAUTIONARY TALE Man 1: This statement wouldn't be funny if not for irony! Girl sleeping (Sketch -- 11th grade Spanish class) Outline of a cross I don't remember her name at all, but she fell asleep on the floor in front of me. membership in wicca total firefox downloads A venn diagram with three sets Hat Guy is standing next to a large badge which says FUCK Computational Lingustics Keep the Faith A large rectangle subdivided into rectangles in a fractal pattern, most with a phrase or word inside Thisadpaidforbythecounciltopromote Microsoftand Christianity. Baring My Heart Mostly left to right from top-left corner Description of set 1: People who can always make me smile Description of set 2: People who constantly show me new things about the world Description of set 3: People I want to spend the rest of my life with Intersection point: YOU. { The graph is of the magnitude of the function with the real value between 0 and 2 and the imaginary between about 35 and 40. Computational Linguists Man #2 observes a mote of dust vanish Hat Guy: And the dumbest thing about emo kids is that... I've met people through these services who CLAIM to like long walks on the beach. You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Blogofractal From the makers of the Blogosphere, Blogocube, and Blogodrome comes the Blogofractal Man is rearranging rocks Bar graph title: Usefulness to career success Trip Master Monkey says 118th Post!! At what angle should you run to maximize the time you stay alive? Raptors can open doors, but they are slowed by them. I think you mean "website." Man 1: Why don't you write about it in your blag? The wonderful thing about science is that it doesn't ask for your faith, it just asks for your eyes. Professor: Ah, then yes, we do have a bit of a situation. small bar Narrator: So if you see a mote of dust vanish from your vision in a little flash or something small bar Narrator: I'm sorry. Narrator: ...sometime in the last few billions and billions of millennia. At 8 drinks, you switch the torrent from Free BSD to Microsoft Bob. 11th Grade huge bar 900 hours of classes The next panel is blank 400 hours of homework Guy with hat fighting with a raptor using lightsabers One weekend messing with Perl Outside of panel And the ten minutes striking up a conversation with that strange kid in homeroom sometimes matters more than every other part of high school combined. A girl is standing behind a guy sitting at a desk using his laptop Same two guys looking again at the third guy Guy: It's all right. The Y Axis shows that as Y increases, Love increases.]] Man: "Our relationship entered its decline at this point." WomanGarfield standing at side of panel: "That's when you started graphing everything." Man: "Coincidence! Windows 7 Zoom in on Garfield Girl: What are you doing? Girl: Man, that ride failed to be a metaphor for our conversation. Beyond 3rd base, along the 3rd base line: Standing anywhere near Peaches. If it's even, the money goes to pro-choice activists. ' Hey, everyone, you can totally trust that I didn't do a word count on MY edit! Even if I spend months broke and drunk in a strange city, I'll still be able to use wikipedia and wikitravel to learn about anything I need. I'm happy with my Kindle 2 so far, but if they cut off the free Wikipedia browsing, I plan to show up drunk on Jeff Bezos's lawn and refuse to leave. On the desk is a laptop displaying the Wikipedia page for autoerotic asphyxiation.]] Force-choking the chicken.so sorry Closeup on Garfield's face Third guy: Anyway, yeah, knights who say "Ni". but how do you select the channel you wish to se- thou ... Garfield I WANT TO SEE SOMETHING UNEXPECTED IN THE COMICS. A graph, rationalization as a function of speed, increasing exponentially with an asymptote at c Two people are standing next to a large pentagram with candles at the points. Person 2: You should take this chance to make out with yourself. Parody Week: Achewood A woman is looking out a second story window at a guy holding a boombox over his head. Garfield thought bubble: THE WORLD IS BURNING. " above it.]] Girl: Okay, also sweet, but now I'm wondering if you could possibly get any gayer. A road encloses the lawn, another road traverses horizontally through the center of the lawn. I'm on the USPS No Fly List don't know what it's like to be me! Then I realized, with creeping horror, that they were serious. Toward the top, people are standing calmly, some holding hands. He's kind of an asshole, when you think about it Moral Relativity Person driving car while singing Related to moral relativism, it states that ethics become subjective only when you approach the speed of light. Parallel Universe two people talking Guy: Dude, you should get on My Space. Boombox Man sits on his bed, looking at a girl who is spinning. Girl: Spinning counterclockwise Each turn robs the planet of angular momentum Slowing its spin by the tiniest bit Lengthening the night, pushing back the dawn Giving me a little more time here With you With reasonable assumptions about latitude and body shape, how much time might she gain them? A chain of unique beinnings forcing wonder into the seeds of each day. We'll also examine the existence of God and whether true love exists. Okay, now just as the loss hits him, slam on the brakes. xkcd Loves the Discovery Channel Panel 1: (Reference Comic 162) Scene illuminates vastness of his current rocky desert location. Driver: NAAAA NA NA NANA NANA NA NA KATAMARI DAMACY Ponytailed stick figure characters remain in place, Stick figure tilts head back slightly, as if staring in realization Mailbox Owner: and that's when you veered into the mailbox? Angular Momentum Code displayed, presumably from an IDE I love momentum. There is a giant arrow pointing to the next line But I have infinite time and space. Black background.]] So I decided to simulate a universe. Written centered, in markee format Sadly, this is a true story. Mephistopheles: You're the Fujitsu exec who killed the Q-series. Relatedly, he's upset with me -- I hope he doesn't take revenge by messing with my site's conten DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS Genetic Algorithms Tighter closeup on Garfield's face def get Solution Costs(navigation Code): fuel Stop Cost = 15 extra Computation Cost = 8 dashed line 1, from the lower-left along the road to the top-left corner, then to the top-right corner this Algorithm Becoming Skynet Cost = 999999999 water Crossing Cost = 45 Narration: Genetic algorithms tip: *Always* include this in your fitness function. Ducklings (Ducklings follow mother duck in procession) Chick: Ready? (Dude and chick regard duck procession.) (Diagram of duck procession showing linear west-to-east motion) Dude: (on right side of duck procession) Roar! (Mother duck is alarmed.) (Mother duck proceeds south, then west. Girl: Face it - I'm your statistically significant other. okay, but because you said that, we're breaking up. The graph of panel dependencies is complete and bidirectional, and each node has a loop.dashed line 2, from the lower-left along the road up to the center crossroads, then diagonally over the lawn to the top-right corner Monty Python: Promote surreal humor. Friend: Besides, who would want a pet to fly anyway? dashed line 3, diagonally from the lower-left to the top-right corner Garfield thought bubble: RUN. As the King of All Cosmos remarked, ' Is it that it's fun, or that it lets you forget yourself? The character is in the lower left and the upper right corner, where it says "my apartment".]] Hat Guy is standing on an advancing glacier 60 seconds Neither says anything 48 seconds (80%) Ray holds up a sign saying "Yes" such that the an arrow on it points directly at his crotch. 44.7 seconds (74%) my apartment #1=t #2=t ((1 sqrt(2)) 3) #3=t(sqrt(5) 3) When I'm walking, I worry a lot about the efficiency of my path. Digital Rights Management Two programmers, one with a black hat and one without a hat, are sitting back to back at two separate desks, typing. Hat Guy: Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA, and Apple: Let's make a deal. As the parts of the comic break apart, people try to reach for each other, hold parts together, or curl up into a ball. Man in a hallway looking in on a board meeting. Woman: Okay, you remember that my father was in the WTC North Tower, right? That is, it's okay to be self-serving, steal, and murder as long as you're going really, really fast. A figure is hovering above it in a wave of energy.]] Person 1: Sweet. There's an eye chart on the wall behind him.]] Doctor (out of frame): Philippe, your hearing is perfect! woman laying on floor tinkering with EEE PC hamster ball robot Beef: Yeah well I always said subtlety was your middle name dogg Beef: And also your first and last in case they didn't get the point Ray: How do you think I should play it? Parody Week: A Softer World when we open the lab each morning, we tell the robot to kill it's our little joke but secretly we're just afraid to tell it to love The robot is pregnant. Parody Week: Dinosaur Comics T-Rex: THINGS I AM UPPITY ABOUT: "They" as a third-person singular gender-free pronoun. Dromiceiomimus: But isn't that terrible grammar? ALSO: this lets us avoid ridiculous constructs like "he she", "s he", "xe" or "hirs"! Narrator: ALSO HOW ABOUT IN THIS WORLD EVERYONE IS BICURIOUS Guys: while I was writing this, I accidentally swallowed a table-sized slab of drywall. Woman: Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening. Gabe is standing there, grinning that mischievous grin, and twirling his beloved cardboard tube between his fingers. Note: whatever the answer, sunrise always comes too soon. ) Donald Knuth Placing rocks on a grid again. No-Hat Programmer: Man, you're being inconsistent with your array indices. Black-Hat Programmer: Different tasks call for different conventions. Black-Hat Programmer: Well, that's what he said when I asked him about it. Why can't you have normal existential angst like all the other boys? The middle one has a sticker stuck to it proclaiming "Skateboarding is not a crime"]] When I'm president, skateboarding will still be legal, but display of those stupid stickers will be a felony. But I guess I need more willpower, because each sunrise just found me at your mom's apartment again. Tap That Ass Holding money tag and wrench I'd tap that ass To be the new committee chair. Laptop: She'd be alive if it weren't for you. Babies It doesn't seem right that we're old enough to have kids. Panel 2: (Reference Comic 413) A man and woman are talking; she's sitting on the back of a chair with her feet on the seat, and he's sitting on the floor facing her. I love to engineer. "megaxkcd" in Japanese quote characters. As terrible as it sounds, the state of the world isn't really my responsibility. If the scientists are right -- and if we keep people from understanding just a little longer -- we'll enjoy quite a ride. Two men stand talking to each other Man: My hobby is making miniatures. Just make sure you don't have it maximize instead of minimize. Man #1: Yeah, but the menstruation thing is freaky. Ducklings follow.) (Chick seizes mother duck, lifts upwards.) Yoink! What would actually happen: Guy The dish is aimed out the window; the Hat Guy plugs the device into the wall.: His laptop's encrypted. Girl (pointing to a chart): But you spend twice as much time with me as with anyone else. Base System Van and truck travel toward mountains Woman: So how far did you get with her? The mouseover text has two hundred and forty-two characters.You don't seriously think they could let your ferret fly, right? What's interesting is that there doesn't seem to be any reason this should be true. I held you tight against the dark and said that I would always come for you. You were torn from my arms and vanished from this world. Also, this sets the record for number of awkward-pause panels in one strip (previously held by Achewood) Parody Week: Megatokyo Guy showing off electric skateboard to girl reading something Girl: So before you so quickly label me a third party to the communication, just remember: I loved him first. Man with black hat: Nah, I'm not really into Pok As of this writing, Ubuntu 6.10 and Firefox 2.0 have left my computer a complete mess. Canada Security checkpoint First Man: If we lose this election, I'm moving to Canada. Once we're with the ugly ones, there's no incentive for one of us not to try to switch to the hot one. Stay low, keep behind cover, and if you run out of ammunition, shoot outside the battlefield to reload. Exercise Like many geeks, I got a lot more interested in exercise once I made the connection to leveling up. Texts reads ' Fields arranged by purity'. Panel 11: (Reference Comic 230) The robot's trailer unit detaches as the telescoping pole begins to extend, and the mobile platform with umbrella rolls forward. Narrator: 1,000 miles north of tornado alley Narrator: a new breed of scientists has emerged. Boy: One of my classic high-school dates coming up! Electric Skateboard (Double Comic) Telescoping pole stops extending, placing the matchbox and match very near the sprinkler head fixture. Guy: Check it out! Years of gliding downhill and pushing uphill, and now suddenly it's gliding both ways. The mobile platform stops moving. Security guy: Sir, is this container under three ounces? Purity The umbrella deploys, extending beyond the dimensions of the mobile platform. I love entangled sheets. Senator: You refuse to quarter troops in your house? The teacher is balding, but he does not appear to be prematurely grey. Various robots appear on the field, and the team whose design appears above activates their robot.]] Water pours from the sprinkler onto the competition field, causing the electrical components of the opposing team's robotics platform to short and malfunction.

Two people are listening to music on a stereo Person 1 indicates stereo Diagram displaying IP addresses using Hibbert Curve Scene repeated for the next frame So, what, they turned you down? The Perfect Sound Scene backs up. " But it doesn't blunt the shock Of waking up one morning Hat Guy swipes hat off of Brunette Person 1: And then right here, the transition into the chorus. Hat Guy puts it on his head while sliding Diagram showing IP ownership: 0: Local 1-2: Unallocated 3: General Electric 4: BB&N INC 5: Unallocated 6: Army AISC 7: Unallocated 8: BB&N INC 9: IBM 10: VPNs 11: Do D Intel 12: Bell Labs 13: Xerox 14: Public data nets 15: HP 16: DEC 17: Apple 18: MIT 19: Ford 20: CSC 21: DDN-RYN 22: DISA 23: Unallocated 24: Cable TV 25: UK Mo D 26: DISA 27: Unallocated 28: DSI 29-30: DISA 31: Unallocated 32: NORSK 33: DLA 34: Halliburton 35: Merit 36-37: Unallocated 38: PSI 39: Unallocated 40: Eli Lily 41: ARINIC 42: Unallocated 43: Japan INET 44: HAM Radio 45: INTEROP 46: BB&N INC 47: Bell North 48: Prudential 49-50: Unallocated 51: UK Social Security 52: du Pont 55: Boeing 56: USPS 57: SITA 58-61: Asia-Pacific 62: Europe 63-76: USA & Canada (contains: UUNET, Google, Digg, Slashdot, Ebay, Craigslist, XKCD, Flickr) 77-79: Europe (unused) 80-91: Europe 92-95: Unallocated 96-99: North America 100-120: Unallocated 121-125: Asia-Pacific 126: Japan 127: Loopback 128-132: Various Registrars 133: Japan 134-172: Various Registrars 173-189: Unallocated 188: Various 189-190: Latin America & Caribbean 191-192: Various (contains Private (RFC 1918) 193-195: Europe 196: Africa 197: Unallocated 198: US & Various 199: North America 200-201: Latin America & Carribbean 202-203: Asia-Pacific 204-209: North America (contains Suicide Girls, Boing Boing) 210-211: Asia-Pacific 212-213: Europe 214-215: U. Department of Defense 216: North America (Contains Myspace, Something Awful) 217: Europe 218-222: Asia-Pacific 223: Unallocated 224-239: Multicast 240-255: Unallocated For the IPv6 map just imagine the XP default desktop picture. I wrote a command to jiggle the mouse pointer every couple minutes to keep it from going idle. Linux has problems, but it gives you the tools to deal with them - and save your date! Computer: You know when you're falling asleep, and you imagine yourself walking or something, and suddenly you misstep, stumble, and jolt awake? Computer: Well, that's what a segfault feels like. The thought bubble comes from a person sitting at a computer in an office]] Hat guy walking away Brunette left standing there And seeing dead pixels in the sky. Boy (Now standing to face the girl): It's worse than that. But if we sleep together, it'll make the local hookup network a symmetric graph. Check it out; I've had sex with someone who's had sex with someone who's written a paper with Paul Erdős! Hat Guy (out of frame): You didn't make it easy. Guy looking over girl's shoulder while girl is clicking her mouse with her other hand on her chin A man standing, with a dotted line perpendicular to him and a 30 degree angle going downwards Hat Guy: You took my hat. Baby bouncing rolling out of hospital Baby bouncing rolling in front of a sunset Oh, and, uh, if the Russian government asks, that submarine was always there. Techno Hand-drawn Graph is shown, on the Y axis, My Overall Health, on the X axis, Time. How it Happened Another man drives up alongside in an SUV and leans out the window Narrator: From a young age, gravity pulled him wrong. My Problem: Thinking Ahead Baby: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE man speaking to woman Baby: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Narrator: The End Strip originally conceived in conversation with Jeph Jacques. Stove Ownership Caption Above Comic Person 1: Then she put her hands over mine, grinds against me, leans down and whispers, "After tonight, we go and live our lives, no regrets. The prices can be seen in the background, and read:]] $4.08 M: $4.38 P: $4.51 D: $4.85 The Spirit rover is on the surface of Mars. SUV Driver: Check out those prices! Thinking Ahead A banner flutters in the breeze, evidently attached to the elevator it mentions in its text. In science, you can't publish results you know are wrong and you can't withhold them because they're not the ones you wanted.

Barrel - Part 1 Many red spiders standing on and hanging from cuboids. Hammer Slide Figure holding balloon; Balloon gets caught in ceiling fan; Figure holds on and is pulled up Sometimes my conversations with strangers go on for a while before I realize that they're talking on their phones. Find a crossbow and get him into position behind one of the columns at the Fed entrance. Narrator: I hate trudging through the icy slush and biting sleet. Figure 2 (out of panel): I dunno, high storage densities freak me out. Girl (off-panel): It's like we're back in 2003! Spirit Day 1 of 90 Man in front of the vastness of his infinite desert Spirit (thinking): 89 days to go! - Cricket - Magic: the Gathering - Stickball - Agricola - Jumanji Nonexistent (n = 0) - Poohsticks - Podracing - Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma - Chess by Mail - Conway's Game of Life HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF STRIP GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR? Shear Strength Still walking on a rocky desert. Boy: I wonder where I'll float next? Red spiders Still walking on a rocky desert. A: I just feel like somewhere out there is the girl for me. Intersection of sets 2 and 3: Vanilla Ice I'm just trying to explain, please don't be jealous! But we'll be out there barely an hour before they start in with "I'm tired" and "Don't you think it's time we head back? I don't understand why people are so disingenuous! Balloon I watched the scene in the restaurant for a full fifteen minutes hoping this would happen: Zoomed out on a rocky desert. So I'm a bad person. Hat Guy: A laughable claim, Mister Bond, perpetuated by overzealous teachers of science. Using the floor plan on the next page, plot a route through the building, assuming raptors take 5 minutes to open the first door and halve the time for each subsequent door. Scientists are also sexy, let's not forget that. But I was never actually interested in taking the position. Sitting on a rocky desert. Narrator: Oh and... Drawing math in a rocky desert. I never feel hungry or thirsty. Man and woman visit a bio lab where they look into a tank that the scientists point at. Sand and rocks Image of a cuttlefish stretch to infinity. The next three panels are blank There's plenty of time for thinking out here. Two couples appear in this next panel I've rederived modern math in the sand and then some. in a rocky desert.]] Physics, too I worked out the kinks in quantum mechanics and relativity. Cuttlefish We visit a bio lab: Interior, a man sits at his computer typing, woman enters Scientist- "These are cuttlefish." One scientist passes a test tube to another, who's sitting at a machine. Lights and screens are shining, and there's a hamster ball and a Newton's cradle on a shelf behind them. They're frighteningly smart, have manipulating arms and tentacles, have ink jets, can dart backwards and see the polarization of light through their w-shaped pupils. There's a glowing sample next to a rat in a cage.

Petit Trees (sketch) Girl sleeping on her side, facing away from view Guy: Are the raptors contained? " ' There's also a spike on the Fourier transform at the one-month mark where --' ' You want to stop talking right now.' Party Hat guy: And so I hired Rick Astley to show up at her party. Boy: Guess this isn't the Calvin & Hobbes-model toboggan. Foul of the third base line: Anal sex (fill in your won "Foul Ball" pun here.) Left outfield: 2outfielders1glove. ' Music DRM positive slope graph Man [typing]: ..that's why music DRM is bad for listeners and artists! Woman: In case you didn't notice, we won the music DRM war. Woman: So close the comment thread, get out the debit card, buy us some music, and let's rock the fuck out. Westley's a Dick Buttercup: Oh, my sweet Westley! Science Montage Movie Science Montage Internet Explorer icon Outline of a cross ' Petit' being a reference to Le Petit Prince, which I only thought about halfway through the sketch Irony Narrator: When self-reference, irony, and meta-humor go too far Narrator: A CAUTIONARY TALE Man 1: This statement wouldn't be funny if not for irony! Girl sleeping (Sketch -- 11th grade Spanish class) A venn diagram with three sets I don't remember her name at all, but she fell asleep on the floor in front of me. membership in wicca total firefox downloads Hat Guy is standing next to a large badge which says FUCK Computational Lingustics A large rectangle subdivided into rectangles in a fractal pattern, most with a phrase or word inside Keep the Faith Mostly left to right from top-left corner Thisadpaidforbythecounciltopromote Microsoftand Christianity. Baring My Heart Man #2 observes a mote of dust vanish Description of set 1: People who can always make me smile Description of set 2: People who constantly show me new things about the world Description of set 3: People I want to spend the rest of my life with Intersection point: YOU. { The graph is of the magnitude of the function with the real value between 0 and 2 and the imaginary between about 35 and 40. Computational Linguists Man is rearranging rocks Hat Guy: And the dumbest thing about emo kids is that... I've met people through these services who CLAIM to like long walks on the beach. You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Blogofractal From the makers of the Blogosphere, Blogocube, and Blogodrome comes the Blogofractal Bar graph title: Usefulness to career success small bar Trip Master Monkey says 118th Post!! At what angle should you run to maximize the time you stay alive? Raptors can open doors, but they are slowed by them. I think you mean "website." Man 1: Why don't you write about it in your blag? The wonderful thing about science is that it doesn't ask for your faith, it just asks for your eyes. Professor: Ah, then yes, we do have a bit of a situation. small bar Narrator: So if you see a mote of dust vanish from your vision in a little flash or something huge bar Narrator: I'm sorry. Narrator: ...sometime in the last few billions and billions of millennia. At 8 drinks, you switch the torrent from Free BSD to Microsoft Bob. 11th Grade The next panel is blank 900 hours of classes Guy with hat fighting with a raptor using lightsabers 400 hours of homework Outside of panel One weekend messing with Perl A girl is standing behind a guy sitting at a desk using his laptop And the ten minutes striking up a conversation with that strange kid in homeroom sometimes matters more than every other part of high school combined. Same two guys looking again at the third guy Garfield standing at side of panel Guy: It's all right. The Y Axis shows that as Y increases, Love increases.]] Man: "Our relationship entered its decline at this point." WomanZoom in on Garfield: "That's when you started graphing everything." Man: "Coincidence! Windows 7 Closeup on Garfield's face Girl: What are you doing? Girl: Man, that ride failed to be a metaphor for our conversation. Beyond 3rd base, along the 3rd base line: Standing anywhere near Peaches. If it's even, the money goes to pro-choice activists. ' Hey, everyone, you can totally trust that I didn't do a word count on MY edit! Even if I spend months broke and drunk in a strange city, I'll still be able to use wikipedia and wikitravel to learn about anything I need. I'm happy with my Kindle 2 so far, but if they cut off the free Wikipedia browsing, I plan to show up drunk on Jeff Bezos's lawn and refuse to leave. On the desk is a laptop displaying the Wikipedia page for autoerotic asphyxiation.]] Force-choking the chicken.

so sorry A graph, rationalization as a function of speed, increasing exponentially with an asymptote at c Third guy: Anyway, yeah, knights who say "Ni". but how do you select the channel you wish to se- thou ... Garfield I WANT TO SEE SOMETHING UNEXPECTED IN THE COMICS. Two people are standing next to a large pentagram with candles at the points. Person 2: You should take this chance to make out with yourself. Parody Week: Achewood A woman is looking out a second story window at a guy holding a boombox over his head. Person driving car while singing Garfield thought bubble: THE WORLD IS BURNING. " above it.]] Girl: Okay, also sweet, but now I'm wondering if you could possibly get any gayer. A road encloses the lawn, another road traverses horizontally through the center of the lawn. I'm on the USPS No Fly List don't know what it's like to be me! Then I realized, with creeping horror, that they were serious. Toward the top, people are standing calmly, some holding hands. He's kind of an asshole, when you think about it Moral Relativity two people talking Related to moral relativism, it states that ethics become subjective only when you approach the speed of light. Parallel Universe Man sits on his bed, looking at a girl who is spinning. Girl: Spinning counterclockwise Each turn robs the planet of angular momentum Slowing its spin by the tiniest bit Lengthening the night, pushing back the dawn Giving me a little more time here With you With reasonable assumptions about latitude and body shape, how much time might she gain them? A chain of unique beinnings forcing wonder into the seeds of each day. We'll also examine the existence of God and whether true love exists. Okay, now just as the loss hits him, slam on the brakes. xkcd Loves the Discovery Channel Panel 1: (Reference Comic 162) Scene illuminates vastness of his current rocky desert location. Man: MEGAN! It's just warm, warm and right: As I sink into his eyes I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I see Tycho smile at someone behind me. Accident Ponytailed stick figure characters remain in place, Stick figure tilts head back slightly, as if staring in realization Driver: NAAAA NA NA NANA NANA NA NA KATAMARI DAMACY Code displayed, presumably from an IDE Mailbox Owner: and that's when you veered into the mailbox? Angular Momentum There is a giant arrow pointing to the next line I love momentum. Written centered, in markee format But I have infinite time and space. Black background.]] So I decided to simulate a universe. Tighter closeup on Garfield's face Sadly, this is a true story. Mephistopheles: You're the Fujitsu exec who killed the Q-series. Relatedly, he's upset with me -- I hope he doesn't take revenge by messing with my site's conten DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS Genetic Algorithms dashed line 1, from the lower-left along the road to the top-left corner, then to the top-right corner def get Solution Costs(navigation Code): fuel Stop Cost = 15 extra Computation Cost = 8 dashed line 2, from the lower-left along the road up to the center crossroads, then diagonally over the lawn to the top-right corner this Algorithm Becoming Skynet Cost = 999999999 water Crossing Cost = 45 Narration: Genetic algorithms tip: *Always* include this in your fitness function. Ducklings (Ducklings follow mother duck in procession) Chick: Ready? (Dude and chick regard duck procession.) (Diagram of duck procession showing linear west-to-east motion) Dude: (on right side of duck procession) Roar! (Mother duck is alarmed.) (Mother duck proceeds south, then west. Girl: Face it - I'm your statistically significant other. okay, but because you said that, we're breaking up. The graph of panel dependencies is complete and bidirectional, and each node has a loop.

dashed line 3, diagonally from the lower-left to the top-right corner Monty Python: Promote surreal humor. Friend: Besides, who would want a pet to fly anyway? Hat Guy is standing on an advancing glacier Garfield thought bubble: RUN. As the King of All Cosmos remarked, ' Is it that it's fun, or that it lets you forget yourself? The character is in the lower left and the upper right corner, where it says "my apartment".]] Neither says anything 60 seconds Ray holds up a sign saying "Yes" such that the an arrow on it points directly at his crotch. 48 seconds (80%) Two programmers, one with a black hat and one without a hat, are sitting back to back at two separate desks, typing. 44.7 seconds (74%) my apartment #1=t #2=t ((1 sqrt(2)) 3) #3=t(sqrt(5) 3) When I'm walking, I worry a lot about the efficiency of my path. Digital Rights Management Man in a hallway looking in on a board meeting. Hat Guy: Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA, and Apple: Let's make a deal. As the parts of the comic break apart, people try to reach for each other, hold parts together, or curl up into a ball. woman laying on floor tinkering with EEE PC hamster ball robot Woman: Okay, you remember that my father was in the WTC North Tower, right? That is, it's okay to be self-serving, steal, and murder as long as you're going really, really fast. A figure is hovering above it in a wave of energy.]] Person 1: Sweet. There's an eye chart on the wall behind him.]] Doctor (out of frame): Philippe, your hearing is perfect! Placing rocks on a grid again. Beef: Yeah well I always said subtlety was your middle name dogg Beef: And also your first and last in case they didn't get the point Ray: How do you think I should play it? Parody Week: A Softer World when we open the lab each morning, we tell the robot to kill it's our little joke but secretly we're just afraid to tell it to love The robot is pregnant. Parody Week: Dinosaur Comics T-Rex: THINGS I AM UPPITY ABOUT: "They" as a third-person singular gender-free pronoun. Dromiceiomimus: But isn't that terrible grammar? ALSO: this lets us avoid ridiculous constructs like "he she", "s he", "xe" or "hirs"! Narrator: ALSO HOW ABOUT IN THIS WORLD EVERYONE IS BICURIOUS Guys: while I was writing this, I accidentally swallowed a table-sized slab of drywall. Woman: Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening. Gabe is standing there, grinning that mischievous grin, and twirling his beloved cardboard tube between his fingers. Note: whatever the answer, sunrise always comes too soon. ) Donald Knuth Holding money tag and wrench No-Hat Programmer: Man, you're being inconsistent with your array indices. Black-Hat Programmer: Different tasks call for different conventions. Black-Hat Programmer: Well, that's what he said when I asked him about it. Why can't you have normal existential angst like all the other boys? The middle one has a sticker stuck to it proclaiming "Skateboarding is not a crime"]] When I'm president, skateboarding will still be legal, but display of those stupid stickers will be a felony. But I guess I need more willpower, because each sunrise just found me at your mom's apartment again. Tap That Ass A man and woman are talking; she's sitting on the back of a chair with her feet on the seat, and he's sitting on the floor facing her. I'd tap that ass To be the new committee chair. Laptop: She'd be alive if it weren't for you. Babies It doesn't seem right that we're old enough to have kids. Panel 2: (Reference Comic 413) "megaxkcd" in Japanese quote characters. As terrible as it sounds, the state of the world isn't really my responsibility. If the scientists are right -- and if we keep people from understanding just a little longer -- we'll enjoy quite a ride. Two men stand talking to each other The eons blur past as I walk down a single row. At least I learned about the OS X 'say' command. The girl is looking at it]] Man: My hobby is making miniatures. Just make sure you don't have it maximize instead of minimize. Man #1: Yeah, but the menstruation thing is freaky. Ducklings follow.) (Chick seizes mother duck, lifts upwards.) Yoink! What would actually happen: Guy The dish is aimed out the window; the Hat Guy plugs the device into the wall.: His laptop's encrypted. Girl (pointing to a chart): But you spend twice as much time with me as with anyone else. Base System Van and truck travel toward mountains Woman: So how far did you get with her? The mouseover text has two hundred and forty-two characters.

You don't seriously think they could let your ferret fly, right? What's interesting is that there doesn't seem to be any reason this should be true. I held you tight against the dark and said that I would always come for you. You were torn from my arms and vanished from this world. Also, this sets the record for number of awkward-pause panels in one strip (previously held by Achewood) Parody Week: Megatokyo Guy showing off electric skateboard to girl reading something Girl: So before you so quickly label me a third party to the communication, just remember: I loved him first. Man with black hat: Nah, I'm not really into Pok As of this writing, Ubuntu 6.10 and Firefox 2.0 have left my computer a complete mess. Canada Security checkpoint First Man: If we lose this election, I'm moving to Canada. Once we're with the ugly ones, there's no incentive for one of us not to try to switch to the hot one. Stay low, keep behind cover, and if you run out of ammunition, shoot outside the battlefield to reload. Exercise Like many geeks, I got a lot more interested in exercise once I made the connection to leveling up. Texts reads ' Fields arranged by purity'. Panel 11: (Reference Comic 230) The robot's trailer unit detaches as the telescoping pole begins to extend, and the mobile platform with umbrella rolls forward. Narrator: 1,000 miles north of tornado alley Narrator: a new breed of scientists has emerged. Boy: One of my classic high-school dates coming up! Electric Skateboard (Double Comic) Telescoping pole stops extending, placing the matchbox and match very near the sprinkler head fixture. Guy: Check it out! Years of gliding downhill and pushing uphill, and now suddenly it's gliding both ways. The mobile platform stops moving. Security guy: Sir, is this container under three ounces? Purity The umbrella deploys, extending beyond the dimensions of the mobile platform. I love entangled sheets. Senator: You refuse to quarter troops in your house? The teacher is balding, but he does not appear to be prematurely grey. Various robots appear on the field, and the team whose design appears above activates their robot.]] Water pours from the sprinkler onto the competition field, causing the electrical components of the opposing team's robotics platform to short and malfunction.

Two people are listening to music on a stereo Person 1 indicates stereo Diagram displaying IP addresses using Hibbert Curve Scene repeated for the next frame So, what, they turned you down? The Perfect Sound Scene backs up. " But it doesn't blunt the shock Of waking up one morning Hat Guy swipes hat off of Brunette Person 1: And then right here, the transition into the chorus. Hat Guy puts it on his head while sliding Diagram showing IP ownership: 0: Local 1-2: Unallocated 3: General Electric 4: BB&N INC 5: Unallocated 6: Army AISC 7: Unallocated 8: BB&N INC 9: IBM 10: VPNs 11: Do D Intel 12: Bell Labs 13: Xerox 14: Public data nets 15: HP 16: DEC 17: Apple 18: MIT 19: Ford 20: CSC 21: DDN-RYN 22: DISA 23: Unallocated 24: Cable TV 25: UK Mo D 26: DISA 27: Unallocated 28: DSI 29-30: DISA 31: Unallocated 32: NORSK 33: DLA 34: Halliburton 35: Merit 36-37: Unallocated 38: PSI 39: Unallocated 40: Eli Lily 41: ARINIC 42: Unallocated 43: Japan INET 44: HAM Radio 45: INTEROP 46: BB&N INC 47: Bell North 48: Prudential 49-50: Unallocated 51: UK Social Security 52: du Pont 55: Boeing 56: USPS 57: SITA 58-61: Asia-Pacific 62: Europe 63-76: USA & Canada (contains: UUNET, Google, Digg, Slashdot, Ebay, Craigslist, XKCD, Flickr) 77-79: Europe (unused) 80-91: Europe 92-95: Unallocated 96-99: North America 100-120: Unallocated 121-125: Asia-Pacific 126: Japan 127: Loopback 128-132: Various Registrars 133: Japan 134-172: Various Registrars 173-189: Unallocated 188: Various 189-190: Latin America & Caribbean 191-192: Various (contains Private (RFC 1918) 193-195: Europe 196: Africa 197: Unallocated 198: US & Various 199: North America 200-201: Latin America & Carribbean 202-203: Asia-Pacific 204-209: North America (contains Suicide Girls, Boing Boing) 210-211: Asia-Pacific 212-213: Europe 214-215: U. Department of Defense 216: North America (Contains Myspace, Something Awful) 217: Europe 218-222: Asia-Pacific 223: Unallocated 224-239: Multicast 240-255: Unallocated For the IPv6 map just imagine the XP default desktop picture. I wrote a command to jiggle the mouse pointer every couple minutes to keep it from going idle. Linux has problems, but it gives you the tools to deal with them - and save your date! Computer: You know when you're falling asleep, and you imagine yourself walking or something, and suddenly you misstep, stumble, and jolt awake? Computer: Well, that's what a segfault feels like. The thought bubble comes from a person sitting at a computer in an office]] Hat guy walking away Brunette left standing there And seeing dead pixels in the sky. Boy (Now standing to face the girl): It's worse than that. But if we sleep together, it'll make the local hookup network a symmetric graph. Check it out; I've had sex with someone who's had sex with someone who's written a paper with Paul Erdős! Hat Guy (out of frame): You didn't make it easy. Guy looking over girl's shoulder while girl is clicking her mouse with her other hand on her chin A man standing, with a dotted line perpendicular to him and a 30 degree angle going downwards Hat Guy: You took my hat. Baby bouncing rolling out of hospital Baby bouncing rolling in front of a sunset Oh, and, uh, if the Russian government asks, that submarine was always there. Techno Hand-drawn Graph is shown, on the Y axis, My Overall Health, on the X axis, Time. How it Happened Another man drives up alongside in an SUV and leans out the window Narrator: From a young age, gravity pulled him wrong. My Problem: Thinking Ahead Baby: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE man speaking to woman Baby: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Narrator: The End Strip originally conceived in conversation with Jeph Jacques. Stove Ownership Caption Above Comic Person 1: Then she put her hands over mine, grinds against me, leans down and whispers, "After tonight, we go and live our lives, no regrets. The prices can be seen in the background, and read:]] $4.08 M: $4.38 P: $4.51 D: $4.85 The Spirit rover is on the surface of Mars. SUV Driver: Check out those prices! Thinking Ahead A banner flutters in the breeze, evidently attached to the elevator it mentions in its text. In science, you can't publish results you know are wrong and you can't withhold them because they're not the ones you wanted.

Barrel - Part 1 Many red spiders standing on and hanging from cuboids. Hammer Slide Figure holding balloon; Balloon gets caught in ceiling fan; Figure holds on and is pulled up Sometimes my conversations with strangers go on for a while before I realize that they're talking on their phones. Find a crossbow and get him into position behind one of the columns at the Fed entrance. Narrator: I hate trudging through the icy slush and biting sleet. Figure 2 (out of panel): I dunno, high storage densities freak me out. Girl (off-panel): It's like we're back in 2003! Spirit Day 1 of 90 Man in front of the vastness of his infinite desert Spirit (thinking): 89 days to go! - Cricket - Magic: the Gathering - Stickball - Agricola - Jumanji Nonexistent (n = 0) - Poohsticks - Podracing - Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma - Chess by Mail - Conway's Game of Life HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF STRIP GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR? Shear Strength Still walking on a rocky desert. Boy: I wonder where I'll float next? Red spiders Still walking on a rocky desert. A: I just feel like somewhere out there is the girl for me. Intersection of sets 2 and 3: Vanilla Ice I'm just trying to explain, please don't be jealous! But we'll be out there barely an hour before they start in with "I'm tired" and "Don't you think it's time we head back? I don't understand why people are so disingenuous! Balloon I watched the scene in the restaurant for a full fifteen minutes hoping this would happen: Zoomed out on a rocky desert. So I'm a bad person. Hat Guy: A laughable claim, Mister Bond, perpetuated by overzealous teachers of science. Using the floor plan on the next page, plot a route through the building, assuming raptors take 5 minutes to open the first door and halve the time for each subsequent door. Scientists are also sexy, let's not forget that. But I was never actually interested in taking the position. Sitting on a rocky desert. Narrator: Oh and... Drawing math in a rocky desert. I never feel hungry or thirsty. Man and woman visit a bio lab where they look into a tank that the scientists point at. Sand and rocks Image of a cuttlefish stretch to infinity. The next three panels are blank There's plenty of time for thinking out here. Two couples appear in this next panel I've rederived modern math in the sand and then some. in a rocky desert.]] Physics, too I worked out the kinks in quantum mechanics and relativity. Cuttlefish We visit a bio lab: Interior, a man sits at his computer typing, woman enters Scientist- "These are cuttlefish." One scientist passes a test tube to another, who's sitting at a machine. Lights and screens are shining, and there's a hamster ball and a Newton's cradle on a shelf behind them. They're frighteningly smart, have manipulating arms and tentacles, have ink jets, can dart backwards and see the polarization of light through their w-shaped pupils. There's a glowing sample next to a rat in a cage.

Petit Trees (sketch) Girl sleeping on her side, facing away from view Guy: Are the raptors contained? " ' There's also a spike on the Fourier transform at the one-month mark where --' ' You want to stop talking right now.' Party Hat guy: And so I hired Rick Astley to show up at her party. Boy: Guess this isn't the Calvin & Hobbes-model toboggan. Foul of the third base line: Anal sex (fill in your won "Foul Ball" pun here.) Left outfield: 2outfielders1glove. ' Music DRM positive slope graph Man [typing]: ..that's why music DRM is bad for listeners and artists! Woman: In case you didn't notice, we won the music DRM war. Woman: So close the comment thread, get out the debit card, buy us some music, and let's rock the fuck out. Westley's a Dick Buttercup: Oh, my sweet Westley! Science Montage Movie Science Montage Internet Explorer icon Outline of a cross ' Petit' being a reference to Le Petit Prince, which I only thought about halfway through the sketch Irony Narrator: When self-reference, irony, and meta-humor go too far Narrator: A CAUTIONARY TALE Man 1: This statement wouldn't be funny if not for irony! Girl sleeping (Sketch -- 11th grade Spanish class) A venn diagram with three sets I don't remember her name at all, but she fell asleep on the floor in front of me. membership in wicca total firefox downloads Hat Guy is standing next to a large badge which says FUCK Computational Lingustics A large rectangle subdivided into rectangles in a fractal pattern, most with a phrase or word inside Keep the Faith Mostly left to right from top-left corner Thisadpaidforbythecounciltopromote Microsoftand Christianity. Baring My Heart Man #2 observes a mote of dust vanish Description of set 1: People who can always make me smile Description of set 2: People who constantly show me new things about the world Description of set 3: People I want to spend the rest of my life with Intersection point: YOU. { The graph is of the magnitude of the function with the real value between 0 and 2 and the imaginary between about 35 and 40. Computational Linguists Man is rearranging rocks Hat Guy: And the dumbest thing about emo kids is that... I've met people through these services who CLAIM to like long walks on the beach. You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Blogofractal From the makers of the Blogosphere, Blogocube, and Blogodrome comes the Blogofractal Bar graph title: Usefulness to career success small bar Trip Master Monkey says 118th Post!! At what angle should you run to maximize the time you stay alive? Raptors can open doors, but they are slowed by them. I think you mean "website." Man 1: Why don't you write about it in your blag? The wonderful thing about science is that it doesn't ask for your faith, it just asks for your eyes. Professor: Ah, then yes, we do have a bit of a situation. small bar Narrator: So if you see a mote of dust vanish from your vision in a little flash or something huge bar Narrator: I'm sorry. Narrator: ...sometime in the last few billions and billions of millennia. At 8 drinks, you switch the torrent from Free BSD to Microsoft Bob. 11th Grade The next panel is blank 900 hours of classes Guy with hat fighting with a raptor using lightsabers 400 hours of homework Outside of panel One weekend messing with Perl A girl is standing behind a guy sitting at a desk using his laptop And the ten minutes striking up a conversation with that strange kid in homeroom sometimes matters more than every other part of high school combined. Same two guys looking again at the third guy Garfield standing at side of panel Guy: It's all right. The Y Axis shows that as Y increases, Love increases.]] Man: "Our relationship entered its decline at this point." WomanZoom in on Garfield: "That's when you started graphing everything." Man: "Coincidence! Windows 7 Closeup on Garfield's face Girl: What are you doing? Girl: Man, that ride failed to be a metaphor for our conversation. Beyond 3rd base, along the 3rd base line: Standing anywhere near Peaches. If it's even, the money goes to pro-choice activists. ' Hey, everyone, you can totally trust that I didn't do a word count on MY edit! Even if I spend months broke and drunk in a strange city, I'll still be able to use wikipedia and wikitravel to learn about anything I need. I'm happy with my Kindle 2 so far, but if they cut off the free Wikipedia browsing, I plan to show up drunk on Jeff Bezos's lawn and refuse to leave. On the desk is a laptop displaying the Wikipedia page for autoerotic asphyxiation.]] Force-choking the chicken.

so sorry A graph, rationalization as a function of speed, increasing exponentially with an asymptote at c Third guy: Anyway, yeah, knights who say "Ni". but how do you select the channel you wish to se- thou ... Garfield I WANT TO SEE SOMETHING UNEXPECTED IN THE COMICS. Two people are standing next to a large pentagram with candles at the points. Person 2: You should take this chance to make out with yourself. Parody Week: Achewood A woman is looking out a second story window at a guy holding a boombox over his head. Person driving car while singing Garfield thought bubble: THE WORLD IS BURNING. " above it.]] Girl: Okay, also sweet, but now I'm wondering if you could possibly get any gayer. A road encloses the lawn, another road traverses horizontally through the center of the lawn. I'm on the USPS No Fly List don't know what it's like to be me! Then I realized, with creeping horror, that they were serious. Toward the top, people are standing calmly, some holding hands. He's kind of an asshole, when you think about it Moral Relativity two people talking Related to moral relativism, it states that ethics become subjective only when you approach the speed of light. Parallel Universe Man sits on his bed, looking at a girl who is spinning. Girl: Spinning counterclockwise Each turn robs the planet of angular momentum Slowing its spin by the tiniest bit Lengthening the night, pushing back the dawn Giving me a little more time here With you With reasonable assumptions about latitude and body shape, how much time might she gain them? A chain of unique beinnings forcing wonder into the seeds of each day. We'll also examine the existence of God and whether true love exists. Okay, now just as the loss hits him, slam on the brakes. xkcd Loves the Discovery Channel Panel 1: (Reference Comic 162) Scene illuminates vastness of his current rocky desert location. Man: MEGAN! It's just warm, warm and right: As I sink into his eyes I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I see Tycho smile at someone behind me. Accident Ponytailed stick figure characters remain in place, Stick figure tilts head back slightly, as if staring in realization Driver: NAAAA NA NA NANA NANA NA NA KATAMARI DAMACY Code displayed, presumably from an IDE Mailbox Owner: and that's when you veered into the mailbox? Angular Momentum There is a giant arrow pointing to the next line I love momentum. Scene illuminates vastness of his current rocky desert location. But I have infinite time and space. Black background.]] So I decided to simulate a universe. Ponytailed stick figure characters remain in place, Stick figure tilts head back slightly, as if staring in realization Sadly, this is a true story. Mephistopheles: You're the Fujitsu exec who killed the Q-series. Relatedly, he's upset with me -- I hope he doesn't take revenge by messing with my site's conten DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS Genetic Algorithms Code displayed, presumably from an IDE def get Solution Costs(navigation Code): fuel Stop Cost = 15 extra Computation Cost = 8 There is a giant arrow pointing to the next line this Algorithm Becoming Skynet Cost = 999999999 water Crossing Cost = 45 Narration: Genetic algorithms tip: *Always* include this in your fitness function. Ducklings (Ducklings follow mother duck in procession) Chick: Ready? (Dude and chick regard duck procession.) (Diagram of duck procession showing linear west-to-east motion) Dude: (on right side of duck procession) Roar! (Mother duck is alarmed.) (Mother duck proceeds south, then west. Girl: Face it - I'm your statistically significant other. okay, but because you said that, we're breaking up. The graph of panel dependencies is complete and bidirectional, and each node has a loop.

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